Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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