College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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