We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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