dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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