the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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