I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
