just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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