I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Randomize
