My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
