Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
