your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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