I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Actions speak louder than pants.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You ruined the universe
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
