I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
