I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
