So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
