i jhust puked up my retainher.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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