there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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