Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
