pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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