I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
