Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize