I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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