my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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