Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
