i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
