so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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