There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
