we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
