She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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