Are we in a gay sports bar?
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
