suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
