what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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