seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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