On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
