He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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