I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
