Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
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