I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize