barbara walters just said penis...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Randomize
