Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
