I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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