I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
