you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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