What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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