just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
