Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
