I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
