New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
