i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
