According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
