He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
