I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
