i just google imaged poop.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
