dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
