when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
