yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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