Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
