Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
