And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
