Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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