I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
