You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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