she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize