i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
