so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
