i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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