so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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