just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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