Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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