After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
