There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
I deserve this hangover.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
