Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
