Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Randomize
