and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
I am midnight drunk by noon
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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