well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
