i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
