when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
