I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize