Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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