What a fucking waste of an outfit
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
