Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
