An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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