and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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