You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
