How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I pour the whiskey from now on
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
