Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
