so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
