I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
