Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
