had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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