Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
if only i could text you this smell
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
