5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
