U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize