An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
time to smoke my breakfast
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
