so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
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