You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
