areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
