i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Who died my cat blue again?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
