She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
