this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize