I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
