On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
we have pet lesbian snakes
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Randomize
