I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
