I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You are the jesus of drinking
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
