I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
you will always have a special place in my vag
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
