dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
