She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
