He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
