When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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