drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
The air was thick with penises
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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