it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
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